Why Is It Hard to be Ourselves?

Why is it so hard to be ourselves? As a child, I understood how much I was not allowed to be me. It was frustrating. As I got older, I learned to conform a little more. Conforming however, did not make me happy. In my twenties, the more I learned to shrug off the conformity, the more disapproval I received.

My soul needed to breathe. So I got very brave and began to look at metaphysical healing as a pathway towards authenticity. Heal the desire for approval and become who I was always meant to be. This took years to accomplish. I am still in some ways working on it.

Why is Authenticity Important to the Soul?

For me, I felt my soul was my safety and my spirit is what got me to listen to the soul. My spirit held the true nature of my purpose and my soul was it's expression in my body. Authenticity means no longer betraying the soul and the spirit in order to conform.

The beauty of all these people living on this planet together is really about diversity. All of us are meant to be different. This was done on purpose. The differences are what allow us to grow and live through a myriad of experiences that truly make us more whole.

How do we become more Authentic?

Do you know what makes your soul sing? Do you know what makes you happy?

For me, brutal honesty was very necessary to escaping the conformity that was depressing me. I found that simple creation made me feel very free and very happy. I was a computer programmer for years. Creating something from nothing was an amazing feeling and it still is. The form of creation did not seem to matter as long as I was creating.

Cooking, painting, coding, learning all made me very happy. As I began to throw away conformity, I found my perceived mistakes became easier to handle. I began to understand I was in a state of learning, constant unending learning and mistakes were simply part of the process. I learned to let go of the perfection that gets approval (or doesn't get approval).

As I let go of the illusion of perfection and I learned how important failing with grace was to growth, life truly got easier for me. Not easy - but easier. I might have had issues, but I was no longer fighting myself. I learned to be on my own side.

Being on Your Own Side in Order to Know Happiness

I found happiness not externally, but internally. Through honesty and truth I began to know myself better and this brought a deeper sense of peace to my being. I still waded through life. I still worked and cooperated with everyone, but I was being true to myself and that made all the difference.

I am an introvert as many of us are. I prefer the time alone with myself . Spending time with others requires more of me that I want to give. I get tired. I truly get tired being in crowds. So I learned to pick and choose where I went and why. I learned to respect who I was and what I needed. This however did not always work for others and so I had to learn to be okay with that.

Getting Comfortable with the Word NO

As I learned to be on my own side and have more self respect, No got easier to say. Self respect leads to self love. My approval comes from within. I have learned that what others choose to think and feel about me has very little to actually do with me. As long as I am ok with my choice, nothing else really matters. I am learning to get better and better with no.

Why should we be on our own side? Well, for me, it is the only safety I have. Anyone may and often do, choose to kick us when we are down as well as when we are up. I don't want to participate in that. It takes us so long to find ourselves that for me I want to maintain the idea that I am my own best friend.

What is a Best Friend?

That really depends on you. For authenticity, a best friend must be honest and not only cheer us on, but also tell the truth. I am not much into false cheering. I do not need someone who strokes my ego. Ego stroking is incredibly awkward for me. I do not like it, but tell me the truth when I am misguided or misinformed and I will consider you a friend.

For me a Best Friend is one who does not shy away from my uniqueness. One who does not speak ill of me behind my back, but brings these issues to my face. Tell me to my face. Be honest, be fair, be loving. A best friend for me is lovingly honest and truthful in away that allows me to grow and blossom in that honesty and truth.

That is what I try to bring to my relationship with myself. Honesty and truth about what we are can eventually lead to happiness. This is our life and if we want a good one, not an easy one, we might want to be a little tough on ourselves so that we can find the peace and happiness we need.